I’ve been holding on to way too many photos from the past few months. I’ve been to Philadelphia, made a ton of new watercolor illustrations, been in a wedding, and been generally busy as a bee. Here are just a few selected moments from the past little while.

I ended up doing the makeup for everyone at my friend’s wedding. This is me and Jess after our mad
dash to the bathroom at the reception hall for touch-ups just before our ‘grand entrance’. Luckily the
wedding was gorgeous on its own because it was not a lovely day for a wedding – 60MPH winds,
freezing rain and about 40 degrees outside.

I went to Philadelphia to visit my friend Marta and we went to see the
Love statue – and I’ll be honest. It was tiny and underwhelming. I was not feeling the love.

A vintage fan at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia.

A new illustration – whale watching! Watercolour & ink. Up for sale soon in my Etsy shop once
I get the scans done. The original illustration will be for sale as well as a limited number of prints.

A new illustration – sea flora! Watercolour & ink. Up for sale soon in my Etsy shop once
I get the scans done. The original illustration will be for sale as well as a limited number of prints.

I have just returned home from the Boston Athletic Association’s half-marathon (13.1 miles) and I am exhausted, my feet hurt, but my heart is light and my mind is clear. Running gives me a sense of clarity and focus that I don’t find with yoga – I am mentally restless when practicing yoga – it’s like I have the urge to scream and be loud simply because you’re supposed to be quiet and calm. (I sometimes have this urge in libraries, too.) With running, all of your energy is focused on two things – lungs and legs. (Well, I guess that’s really four things.)

I ran my first half-marathon in May in Buffalo and had a relatively abysmal time (and trained very little). This time around, I was determined to best my time – I prepared. I ran regularly since late July/early August. I was ready, or so I thought. As soon as the race started, I had to pee. I hoped that perhaps after running a mile or two, the feeling would go away – it didn’t. I wasted nearly ten minutes waiting to go to the bathroom (I should have thrown dignity to the wind and went behind some bushes, but with my luck, I’d be cited by one of the many police on the race route). By the time I rejoined the race, the pack I was with was long gone and my pace was disrupted. I was charging along – it’s so much easier to run when there are a lot of other people around you, I find. Mostly because if you stand still? You get run over.

The rest of the race was largely uneventful – it was extremely hot and sunny, though. I haven’t yet checked to see if I have a sunburn, but I do not do well in the sun. I think my favourite part of the race was either running by my friends cheering me on (at two different spots in the race) or when we ran through the Franklin Park Zoo. It was strange to run through a zoo and just as I was about to start walking, I saw the aviary ahead of me and banners with yellow birds on them. Now, they probably weren’t finches (I didn’t exactly stop to check the species), but they gave me an extra oomph to run as much as I could of the last mile. The worst part of the race? The very end – you see a sign that says 400m to go and you think “Yes! I’m doing it! It’s almost over!” and there’s this giant blow-up “banner” that says “FINISH” and you run through it and where are you? STILL HALF A TRACK LENGTH FROM THE ACTUAL FINISH. How cruel is that? I sprinted to the fake finish only to find out, oh, haha, we were just kidding – run around half the track to the real finish line, sucker.

So I did and now, I don’t know why I do this – I’m terrible at pacing myself, but I always have something left at the end of the race because I’m competitive and if there are ten people beside me, I am going to start sprinting like there is a tiger chasing me because I want to beat each one of those ten people. So I sprinted the rest of the race (and passed the ten people because I am a jerk) and then immediately wanted to collapse. Whenever I run, my hands swell up like oven mitts, thanks to edema, so I headed into the medical tent and snagged some vile yellow Gatorade, had a lie down for a bit and then when I was cleared to leave, met up with friends for brunch. Well, they ate brunch. My stomach is still doing flip flops from all that running.

Oh and my time? Virtually identical to the first race, but I’m giving myself a 10 minute credit for that bathroom wait. So really I did 10 whole minutes better. (Still a pretty terrible time, BUT – I got a medal with a unicorn on it and a t-shirt AND one of those mylar capes they wrap around you to conserve your body heat.) I’ve always wanted one of those mylar capes and tried to steal my dad’s when he ran the Boston marathon, but this time? I EARNED THAT CAPE FOR REAL. BECAUSE I HAD TO GO TO THE MEDICAL TENT. AND THAT CAPE IS GLORIOUS.

Also, upon taking this photo I only just noticed it says “Boston Marathon” not “Half-Marathon” – I GOT A REAL MARATHON CAPE, SUCKERS.

Today was a day filled with joyful gestures from others. I received gifts – some material and some spiritual. When I woke up this morning, I discovered I had a won a contest over hosted by Jen at Honey Kennedy (I love the story behind the name for her website, by the way – you should read her about page) for a gift certificate for the lovely Lisa’s Etsy Shop – Living on Velvet. I decided to get this fabulous pair of earrings that I think I will wear for the wedding I am in next weekend and a travel case that is the perfect size for toting art supplies and my camera around on adventures when I go off into the world to sketch and play.

I enjoyed some Maple Sugar Candy (it is so delicious, it needs to be capitalised) brought back from New York by my friend Lisa – I have cut back significantly on sugar in preparation for my half-marathon on Sunday, but indulged in some sweets. I paid dearly for it with a migraine, but for those seconds where the maple sugar dissolves in your mouth? It was worth it. Almost.

Before returning home, I went and picked up a few art supplies and new earbuds for my iPhone (yikes those things are expensive!) and then returned home to find two wonderful pieces of mail. Usually, I am the type to get bills and menus from random restaurants so two pieces of real mail in one day was a big thing – the first was a package sent by my dad and step-mom – a few Bondi Bands – for the race. My favourite says “13.1 – I’m only half crazy!” (Unlike those smug 26.2 people.) The second piece of mail was a beautiful letter from one of my Squammies – my cabin-mate, Margi. Writing letters is a lost art and it’s one that I used to eagerly do with friends from summer camp. I had another artistic friend and we would basically try to out-do how creative we could be with our envelopes and letters. It was wonderful, but as long distance friendships tend to do, faded over time and now I wonder where she is – and if she still writes such beautiful letters to people. I can’t wait to write a real, honest-to-goodness letter back to Margi – it will be a wonderful change from responding to 200+ e-mails every day.

The theme of this week has been connections – I have been feeling very lonely and a bit isolated since a lot of my friends left Boston for grad school or marriage plans or new jobs.  I felt stagnant, like I had no forward momentum.  I’m working on quite a bit to change that and own my life, but this weekend I did something a little different.  I’m not exactly one for marathon phone sessions, but I made an effort to try and reconnect with old friends.  I probably spent close to five hours on the phone catching up with my friends and it made me realise that even though I feel alone sometimes in Boston – there are still people out there that have my back and are there for me.  Distance is not a barrier anymore.  I also made plans to visit a few and will be seeing a few in less than a week for a friend’s wedding.

I’m building bridges in work and in life and these connections are lifting up my soul and showing me how full my life is, despite my often pessimistic outlook on things.  I tend to see the bad before the good, but I’m really trying on finding even the smallest moments of beauty and joy every single day.  A good cup of coffee in the morning, a quick conversation with a stranger in line at the grocery store, a “Have a nice night” from the bus driver after work – little things do matter and it’s as easy as noticing them and soaking them in, fortifying yourself, instead of letting them pass you by and missing the opportunity for a bright moment in your day.

I am sitting in my slightly messy apartment trying to declutter as much as possible.  I recently cleaned it from top to bottom and now I’m going through and getting rid of everything I don’t need – it really is as if the universe has put me on the right path (though I’d like to take some credit myself, I’ve been putting myself out there, telling the world what I want and good things have been happening once I found the courage to say these things out loud.)  Not ten minutes ago, I found a flash drive that contains every single piece of digital artwork I created from about 2004-2008.  It also has all my old schoolwork which was pretty interesting to glance over.  The important thing is that I thought this work was lost forever.  Some of it is absolutely terrible and may never see the light of day, but a lot of it – I really love, not necessarily for the quality of the work, but I can truly see my work improving as I became more comfortable.  I also love seeing where I was, emotionally, during various times – the work evokes a visceral response.  I’ll be working on getting it up on here shortly, but it is quite literally hundreds of pieces of digital work that I need to sort through and edit for the web.  It was just such a find – for so long thinking that my work was lost and now to see it – tangible and real.  It is refreshing and it almost feels like “proof” – I am an artist! Look! See, I’ve been making art seriously for over 7 years (well a lot longer, but you know what I mean!)

I cannot wait to share it with all of you.  I am also in the market for someone to take some headshots of me – nothing fancy, I just need something professional that I can use in various places where I’m hopefully going to display my work soon. If you know anyone in the Boston, Buffalo, or Albany area willing to perhaps arrange a trade? I love trading with fellow creatives.  Send me an e-mail at hello@littlestfinch – you’d be forever in my gratitude.

Last, but not least, I have to thank Squam and my Squammies once again – I am a changed woman.  I was meandering through life with no purpose and my week at Squam – something clicked.  I realised what I want and need to do with my life for it to have purpose.  I know what brings me joy and I know how I can make a difference and I’ll share a bit more about my plans once I’ve gotten them underway a bit more.  I will say that Jennifer Lee’s Right Brain Business Plan has become a bible of sorts.  I actually look forward to working on my business plan and it has even gotten the seal of approval from my much more left-brain financial planner father who is very business-minded.  I’m excited for things to come and I owe a lot to my time at Squam and now that I’ve learned to own my work and my effort – the hard work I’ve been putting in – I owe a lot to that as well.

I hope you have a wonderful week ahead of you – may creative breezes find you in good spirits.

Cheers & chirps,
Finch

I got back from Squam a few days ago and it seems like a world away.  It’s so strange how in the moment you get when you’re so far removed from your regular life.  I have never before experienced such creativity and support in my life.  It was incredibly rewarding and I cannot wait to go back next year.  I met so many amazing people and got the opportunity to take classes with such talented teachers (and students!) – I took Hand Lettering and Earth Art with Penelope Dullaghan and Pages and Paint with Sarah Ahearn. As I was talking on the way back with a cabinmate, we were discussing how we weren’t sure how we wanted to respond when people asked us about Squam.  I had the instinct to deflect the question with a short answer, keeping the precious truth to myself (for myself).  I had heard over and over how people were changed forever after going to Squam and I believed it, but I didn’t know what they were talking about until I experienced it for myself.  It was extremely difficult attempting to jump back in to “real life” but I have a renewed sense of purpose and an inspired creative spark that has taken root inside me.  I said that it was like a five day art bender and getting back to work was certainly a crash.  Having Squam to fall back on and remember warms my heart like a cozy blanket and a warm tea just before bed, snuggled undercover (with honey).

Below are some of my journal pages that I created while at Squam and some photos that I took (you can see more on my flickr):

(Click here to read the rest of this entry.)

In less than two days, I will be leaving for Squam Art Workshops. Since it began, I have wanted to go and last year, I made the decision to save up and finally go. I am having conflicted feelings – I am a bundle of nerves but extreme excitement and peace. I will be among ‘my people’ – when you are an artist, it can be a very solitary life. Most of the hobbies and passions I have are things that you primarily do alone – painting, drawing, knitting, you name it. Sometimes, I will try to get around this by drawing in a coffee shop or knitting on the bus on the way to work, but it is not the same. You get the odd question every so often about what it is that you’re doing, but for the most part, you are still alone with your work as the people pass along.

Squam will be the first time I will be truly among other creatives – to learn and play with my fellow artists will be a truly life changing experience. I’ve heard past attendees describe Squam as ‘magical’ and I hope to capture a little bit of that in a bottle. I have been in a rut for awhile, but I am hoping my spirit and soul will be renewed by these five days. I also am looking forward to being in the woods – it is my true home – and I cannot wait to return.

If you’re going to be at Squam – I can’t wait to meet you.

Cheers & chirps,
Finch

I find that September, rather than January, is the beginning of the new year. This might be due to the fact that academia begins anew every September, but I think that is only tangential. My personal experience of ‘renewal’ and ‘rebirth’ has always occurred around September simply due to necessity – I moved a lot as a young child, frequently “starting over” at each new school. I attended university in Boston – a place where the leases are seasonal and housing rotates every September and I currently work in an academic-affiliated institution, so September has solidified itself as my own personal new year.

Each year, for the past few years, my life has gotten better and better and I’m finally at a place where I can make a commitment to myself about my art. I have wanted to be an artist practically since birth. It just took me awhile to recognize that truth in myself.

Next week – starting Wednesday, September 14, I will be heading up to Squam, NH for the Squam Art Workshops. Not only will I get the opportunity to meet and learn from some of the artists, illustrators, and creative people that I have admired since I discovered the power of the internet on artists and we creative types. I think a lot of becoming an artist and putting yourself out there is acknowledging your talent. It’s a very bold step to be able to say “I am an artist.”

One of the things that helped me overcome self-doubt (along with the strong urge to rip out every page of my sketchbook that I wasn’t completely satisfied with) was both external praise, but also a severe bicycle accident that I was in last August. I received a concussion and dealt with a lot of post-concussion issues – my verbal skills were severely impacted, I sounded drunk when I spoke, slurring my words. I had to introduce myself to people and preface the conversation with – “No, I have not been drinking, I had a mildly traumatic head injury, let’s go about our business.” After getting a second concussion this past May, having some motor skill issues (to the point where my hand was shaking every single time I picked up a pen or paintbrush) and a diagnosis of carpal tunnel syndrome? I panicked. Who am I if I can’t draw? I’ve never been very good at sports, but I’ve always put myself out there – trying things even though I knew I wasn’t the greatest. Art and most things creative were different – I was naturally good at them and I cherished that talent because it was mine and I loved it. To have it challenged so suddenly and wholly terrified me. What if I could never draw again?

It was actually this fear of never being able to draw again that renewed my spirit. After 6 weeks in a splint, I realised that I had to make the most of things and I knew that my art wasn’t going to be perfect and accepting that my skills might have been impacted in various ways. It has been acknowledging these limitations that freed me from the perfectionist view I once had about my art.

Here’s to trying new things, putting yourself out there and hoping that all the creativity energy you exude comes back to you tenfold.

Cheers & chirps,
Finch